It’s strange that this article is necessary. The plain text of scripture is pretty clear on this point and how people miss this is beyond me. (Unless they’re missing it intentionally.) So, let’s go to scripture and put this issue to bed once and for all… until the next wolf in sheep’s clothing arrives teaching that it’s acceptable.
But we’ll go farther.
We’ll see that married Christians have the best sex, and that sex outside of marriage leads to horrible outcomes for all involved. And this can be proved by science, completely apart from the Bible. Though, it shouldn’t be a surprise that following God’s plan leads to better outcomes.
Old Testament Passages
We’ll look at the Old Testament first.
The Penalty for Seducing a Virgin
Exodus 22:16-17 (ESV)
16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.
17 If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride-price for virgins.
We’ll start with the weakest place in the Old Testament first. And this is pretty strong for a “weak” argument. Notice, there are two penalties proscribed for having sex outside of marriage.
- He must marry the woman (unless her father refuses)
- He must pay the bride price (regardless of if he marries her)
Paying the bride-price regardless of whether you marry her is a clear penalty for the action. It’s not a reward (because he’s paying) and it’s not neutral because again, he must pay. That makes it a penalty.
To be clear:
You don’t proscribe penalties for righteous actions.
You just don’t.
You don’t tell your child they’ll get in trouble for being honest. Cops don’t write tickets for obeying traffic laws, only breaking them. Likewise, you don’t prescribe two penalties (must marry, must pay) when they’ve done a righteous things.
Now, some might say that’s only because of the culture. We’ll get to the argument later.
Pre-marital sex is Misconduct, Outrageous, and Evil (Yes, evil)
If there’s a clearer Old Testament passage than Deuteronomy 22:13-21, I’m unaware of it.
Deuteronomy 22:13-14
13 “If any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then hates her
14 and accuses her of misconduct and brings a bad name upon her, saying, ‘I took this woman, and when I came near her, I did not find in her evidence of virginity,’
Notice, a woman who isn’t a virgin before marriage is guilty of “misconduct”. The Hebrew there is “עֲלִילָה” (alilah), and can be translated “wantonness”, “shameful”, and yes, even evil. Definition 2c in the Brown-Driver-Briggs lexicon reads:
“usually practices = evil deeds“
Just in case you missed that, sex before marriage is called an “evil deed”.
Let’s read on.
Deuteronomy 22:15-21
15 then the father of the young woman and her mother shall take and bring out the evidence of her virginity to the elders of the city in the gate.
16 And the father of the young woman shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to marry, and he hates her;
17 and behold, he has accused her of misconduct, saying, “I did not find in your daughter evidence of virginity.” And yet this is the evidence of my daughter’s virginity.’ And they shall spread the cloak before the elders of the city.
(Note: the word “misconduct” above is the same word in verse 14, and equals “evil deed”)
18 Then the elders of that city shall take the man and whip him,
19 and they shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name upon a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife. He may not divorce her all his days.
20 But if the thing is true, that evidence of virginity was not found in the young woman,
21 then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done an outrageous thing in Israel by whoring in her father’s house. So you shall purge the evil from your midst.
Please notice, verse 21 isn’t recording what the man says. It’s direct commentary from the lawgiver – God – about the morality of the action. It seems clear the action was immoral from the plain text.
If the translation wasn’t clear enough, let’s make it ever more clear by looking at the Hebrew words used.
First “outrageous thing”
The Hebrew word here is “נְבָלָה” (nebalah). The Brown-Driver-Briggs lexicon’s defines it as:
senselessness (as shewn in disregard of moral and religious claims), especially of disgraceful sins; also disgrace; — always absolute
1 disgraceful folly, especially of sins of un-chastity
Strong’s Exhaustive concordance defines it thusly:
Feminine of nabal; foolishness, i.e. (morally) wickedness; concretely, a crime; by extension, punishment — folly, vile, villany.
Clearly, a wicked sin is being discussed. Plus, the word contains the added sense of not only doing something wicked, but also something that is folly and senseless. It’s not just wicked; it’s wicked and stupid. And the “wicked and stupid” sin being discussed is sex before marriage.
Second “By whoring”
The word translated “whoring” in that verse is “זָנָה” (zanah). The Brown-Driver-Briggs lexicon and Strong’s Concordance both define it identically, and that definition is:
commit fornication, be a harlot
What is “fornication”? Let’s look at a few different definitions:
- “consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other” (Merriam Webster)
- “the act of having sex with somebody that you are not married to” (Oxford Dictionary)
- “the action of having sex with someone who you are not married to” (Cambridge Dictionary)
- “voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other.” (Dictionary.com)
Basically, fornication = sex outside of marriage.
Notice, the Hebrew word makes no distinction whatsoever between fornicating and being a whore. Linguistically, fornicating and whoring are the same thing.
This actually makes perfect sense if you think about it.
If it’s morally permissible to have sex outside of marriage, then why not charge for that “service”? We charge to do virtually all other moral services, why not that one? (if it was morally permissible.) If fornicating is morally acceptable, then why is charging for it different than say, getting paid to mow someone’s lawn? Cut their hair? Walk their dog?
If fornicating was morally permissible, what’s the difference if you get paid for it?
If you allow for fornicating (sex outside of marriage), then you must also allow for prostitution. Very few people would make that argument, but it follows logically.
Third: “the Evil”
Shocker, this Hebrew word means exactly that: evil.
It’s the word “רַע” (rah). The Garden, Adam and Eve ate from the “Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Rah (Evil)”. It means evil. The woman committed an evil act by having sex before marriage.
To Recap
Fornication (sex outside of marriage) is called an “evil deed” in verses 14 and 17. Verse 21 turns up the heat by calling it a “shameful, stupid, wicked, sin/crime”, it’s equated with prostitution, and called “evil” yet again at the end of the verse.
Does any part of that – any part at all – sound like God is okay with fornication? (sex outside of marriage.)
Oh, but there’s even more in the New Testament.
Verses in the New Testament
As clear as the Old Testament is, the New Testament is even clearer (if that’s possible).
Jesus Offers A Choice: Marriage or Celibacy
In Matthew chapter 19, some Pharisees come to Jesus testing him by asking about marriage. Jesus finishes the section with a pronouncement (and I have a whole article on the section here). This apparently shocks the disciples because this is how they respond:
Matthew 19:10-12
10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
For those who aren’t familiar with eunuchs, we’ll go to the Definition of the Greek word for clarity. It’s the Greek word “εὐνοῦχος” (eunouchos) and it means:
2135 eunoúxos – properly, “alone in bed” (i.e. without a marriage partner) – literally, a castrated (emasculated) man; a eunuch; ” ‘a chamberlain, keeper of the bed-chamber’ of an Eastern potentate, ‘a eunuch’ ” (Souter); (figuratively) someone who abstains from marriage (sexual relations) to be solely devoted to God
The disciples are so shocked by Jesus words the verse before, that they say it’s better not to get married. Jesus replies they don’t have to get married. Instead, they can be a “eunuch for the kingdom” by voluntarily abstaining from sex.
Notice the options:
- Get married (and have sex)
- Be “alone in bed”
Those are the only two options that Jesus gives. He doesn’t allow for a third option of “don’t get married and have have sex anyway“. That’s not on the list. The options are married or “alone in bed”.
No third option is presented.
Fornicators won’t inherit the Kingdom
I recommend you read all of 1 Corinthians chapters 6 and 7 for the full context. However, we’ll talk about the relevant sections here.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,
10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.
Fornicators are “unrighteous” and won’t inherit the Kingdom of God.
Could it be any clearer?
Paul even specifically warn us “Do not be deceived” about this. Presumably, he said this because he – through the Holy Spirit – knew some would try to deceive Christians about this.
Now, I know some people try to whip out the definition of the Greek words to change the plain meaning of the text. Sometimes that’s appropriate. Sometimes a fuller definition of a Greek word can lend clarity or even change the meaning of a passage.
That’s not the case here though.
This word is perfectly translated.
The Greek word translated “fornication” above is “πόρνος” (pornos), and it’s a masculine word, meaning referring specifically to males. Here’s what Strong’s concordance says it means:
Definition: a fornicator
Usage: a fornicator, man who prostitutes himself.
And HELPS Word Studies:
4205 pórnos (from pernaō, “to sell off”) – properly, a male prostitute. 4205(pórnos) is “properly, ‘a male prostitute’ (so Xen., etc.); in the NT, any fornicator” (Abbott-Smith); i.e. anyone engaging in sexual immorality. See 4202 (porneia).
And Thayer’s Greek lexicon: (Bold is original to Thayer’s)
πόρνος, πορνου, ὁ (for the etym. see πόρνη), a man who prostitutes his body to another’s lust for hire, a male prostitute, (Aristophanes), Xenophon, Demosthenes, Aeschines, Lucian); universally, a man who indulges in unlawful sexual intercourse, a fornicator
And Now Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance: (which has a fuller definitions that a “regular” Strong’s)
fornicator, whoremonger.
From pernemi (to sell; akin to the base of piprasko); a (male) prostitute (as venal), i.e. (by analogy) a debauchee (libertine) — fornicator, whoremonger.
There is universal agreement from the lexicons that pornos refers to either (male) prostitution or fornicating… because they’re the same thing.
Again – Biblically Speaking – Prostitution and Fornication are the Same Sin
Again, if sex outside of marriage is morally permissible, then why isn’t charging for it morally permissible?
We charge for every service under the sun, and no one has a problem with it… as long as the service is moral. Why would sex be any different? I know we’re hitting this point hard, but that’s because it’s important.
I’ve heard people make the argument that the Bible doesn’t prohibit sex before marriage, only prostitution. However, Biblically they’re the same thing. Getting money involved doesn’t change the morality of the action.
- Murder is wrong. Murdering for money is just as wrong, but isn’t more wrong.
- Vandalism is wrong. Vandalism for money is just as wrong, but isn’t more wrong.
- Perjury is wrong. Perjury for money is just as wrong, but isn’t more wrong.
- etc.
Seriously.
If sex outside of marriage isn’t wrong, then why couldn’t any single Christian man say to any single Christian woman: “I think you’re sexy, so I’ll give you $500 to have sex with me.“
Anyone?
Nobody would have a problem with the same man offering to pay her to walk his dog, to house-sit, or any other (moral) thing. Why is it different with sex outside of marriage… unless it’s wrong. Unless it’s very wrong, and that’s why we have this instinctual, gut-level revulsion for prostitution.
(It’s interesting, in America today we have this kind of double standard in the law. Any (over 18) woman can have sex with any man she likes and there’s no legal penalty. But the moment she wants to charge even $1 for it, then it’s prostitution and illegal.)
Biblically speaking, Prostitution and fornication are the exact same sin.
Both boil down to sex outside of marriage, aka fornication.
Anyway, moving on.
“Flee Fornication” (sex outside of marriage)
Picking up just a few verses later.
1 Corinthians 6:15-20
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be!
16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.”
17 But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him.
18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
In verse 18, the word translated “immorality” in the phrase “flee immorality”is the Greek word “πορνεία” (porneia). Here’s the definition according to Strong’s Concordance:
Definition: fornication
Usage: fornication, whoredom; met: idolatry.
As we’ve already covered, fornication is all sex outside of marriage. Therefore, Paul is saying “flee all sex outside of marriage (fornication)”.
The phrase “immoral man” is the Greek word “πορνεύω” (porneuó). It’s the verb form of πορνεία (porneia), which we just looked at. Being the verb form of porneia, I’ll bet you can guess what it means.
Strong’s Concordance:
Definition: to commit fornication
Usage: I fornicate; met: I practice idolatry.
HELPS Word Studies:
Cognate: 4203 porneúō – commit fornication (sexual immorality); (figuratively) to be unfaithful to Christ, while posing as His true follower. See 4202 (porneia).
NAS Exhaustive Concordance:
to commit fornication
Thayer’s Greek Lexicon:
1. to prostitute one’s body to the lust of another. In the Scriptures
2. to give oneself to unlawful sexual intercourse; to commit fornication (Vulg.fornicor): 1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Corinthians 10:8; Revelation 2:14, 20; (Mark 10:19 WH (rejected) marginal reading).
Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance
commit fornication.
From porne; to act the harlot, i.e. (literally) indulge unlawful lust (of either sex), or (figuratively) practise idolatry — commit (fornication).
Is that clear enough?
In the New Testament, whenever you see the phrase “sexual imorallity” or even just “imorality” in a sexual context, it’s nearly always one of the forms of “πορνεία” (porneia), which means fornication; i.e. “all sex outside of marriage“.
But if that doesn’t convince you, there’s even more.
Better to Marry than Burn
1 Corinthians 7:1-2
1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
The word translated “touch” in verse 1 is “ἅπτομαι” (haptomai). It means:
Definition: touch
Usage: prop: I fasten to; I lay hold of, touch, know carnally.
So they are defintely talking about “knowing carnally”, which any church-going Christian will know is polite Christianese for “have sex”. If you read further, you’ll see that Paul is talking about married couples abstaining from sex. He comes back to unmarried couples several verses later.
In verse 2, the word translated “immoralities” is the Greek word “πορνεία” (porneia), which we just looked at. It means “fornication”, which in turn means “all sex outside of marriage”.
Paul is quite clear that “because of fornication”, each man should have his wife and each woman should have a husband. He repeats the same theme several verses later.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Paul presents the same options that Jesus did:
- Marry and have sex
- Remain unmarried and be celibate
Biblically, those are your only moral/ethical options. And this is the will of God Himself.
The will of God = Abstain from Fornication
As Christians, we should want to obey/follow the will of God. Therefore, it behooves us to pay attention when He explicitly tells us what His will is.
1 Thessolonians 4:1-8
1 Finally then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God (just as you actually do walk), that you excel still more.
2 For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; (Greek = πορνεία (porneia) = fornication = sex outside of marriage)
4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,
5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;
6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.
7 For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.
8 So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.
Three things stand out to me here:
- Verse 3 says it’s the will of God Himself that we all abstain from fornication. His will. Not man’s will, but God’s will. Let me be clear: it’s the will of God Himself that you abstain from sex outside of marriage. The all powerful, all knowing, all-wise God who created us and on whom we depend for the very air in our lungs; this is His will.
- Verse 8 makes it clear that if you reject this teaching you aren’t rejecting a man. Because the command comes from God Himself, rejecting the command is rejecting God Himself.
- Verse 6 makes it clear that – probably for these reasons – the Lord is “the avenger” in all these things. If it sounds like I’m threatening judgement for fornicating, I’m not; God Himself is. This isn’t the only place He does either. (more on that in a moment)
Fornicators will be judged…
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
And there’s no wiggle room in Greek either. The word translated “fornicators” is one of the forms of πορνεία (porneia), which we’ve already seen means “fornication”, which means “sex outside of marriage”. “Fornicators and adulterers” covers the whole range of sexual sins.
With those two statements taken together (adultery + fornication) the only legitimate sexual practice that God won’t judge is sex inside of marriage.
That’s it.
Period.
Full stop.
There’s no “what ifs” or “how about in the case of” statements elsewhere in the Bible. God has been 100% consistent throughout the Bible on this. Sex belongs inside of marriage. No one should dishonor marital sex, in fact, it should be “held in honor by all”. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:3-7 that married couples have to agree to stop having sex.
- Sex is expected inside of marriage.
- Sex is forbidden outside of Marriage.
Biblically, those are your options and judgement awaits those who pick “option #3”.
…So repent, that your sins may be forgiven
God’ judgements are just, and thankfully His mercy reigns when we repent and turn from our wicked ways. Let’s return to a verse we’ve previously covered, but focus on a different aspect of it:
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,
10 nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.
If you have been fornicating, take courage because there is hope:
1 John 1:7-10
7 but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.
8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.
It’s that simple.
Confess to God that you have indeed sinned. Ask for His forgiveness and you will have it. Jesus’ blood took care of this on the cross, and through it we can have peace with God. But there is more to it, you need to actually stop doing it.
Jesus said to the (repentant) woman caught in adultery:
John 8:10-11
10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.
You need to actually stop fornicating.
I realize this may be hard, especially if you’re living with someone you’re not married to. (which is very popular these days) Because of temptation, it’s probably not a good idea to continue living with your “significant other” unless you’re married. (in which case you shouldn’t live apart, not for any significant length of time anyway.)
Some Say Premarital Sex = Wedding? What?
Some people believe that if two unmarried people have sex, that automatically makes them married. I hope you can see from all the verses that we’ve just covered that this isn’t the case.
Let’s pretend – for a moment – that two unmarried people having sex does make them married. If that were true, that would mean fornication = marriage. Given the warnings God gives about fornication, about how wicked it is and how He will judge those who practice it, that seems… Unlikely. (to say the least.)
Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
Fornication does the opposite because it’s not good, and incurs judgement instead of favor. Therefore, I don’t see how fornication can create a marriage. Paul says to “flee fornication”, yet “marriage is to be held in honor among all”; you don’t flee something you hold in honor.
But let’s deal with the verse they use for this:
Exodus 22:16-17 (ESV)
16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.
17 If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride-price for virgins.
Please notice: the father had the final say in the Mosaic Law. No marriage could be contracted between the man and the (ex)virgin unless her father approved. Therefore, since the father’s consent was required to make a marriage, then the act of fornicating doesn’t make a marriage.
There’s also an issue of sequence. In this verse, it’s clear the wedding is after the fornication. How can the fornicating be the wedding when the marriage only happens afterward?
It makes no logical sense.
“But I love him/her, so how can it be wrong?“
Consider what you’re saying: That’s like saying that feelings are a good justification for any wicked action. If we tried that with any other sins, everyone would laugh. For example:
- I really “loved” that woman’s necklace, so I stole it.
- I really “loved” not getting in trouble, so I lied in court under oath.
- I really “loved” the idea of never seeing them again, so I killed them
I mean, really?
Feelings don’t justify wicked actions. Ever. Just because you really want to do something doesn’t mean it’s morally acceptable. Further,the people who say this are looking at it backwards.
To put it bluntly: if you’re fornicating with someone, that’s proof positive that you don’t love them.
I have an article about how (in Greek) the Great Commandment isn’t about “love”. But even if it was, that requires a proper definition of love as a verb.
You can define our English word “love” at least two ways depending on how it’s used. As a noun (person, place, thing, or feeling/emotion), you can define it as the “warm fuzzy” feeling typically – and more correctly – called infatuation.
As a verb (an action), love must be defined differently. (I have an article about how In Greek, the Great Commandment isn’t about “love”) If you say “I did the loving thing”, you don’t mean “I did the emotional thing”. You mean “I did what was best for the other person“. I would define the English word “love” – as a verb – this way:
Love: Doing what best for someone else regardless of what it costs me.
Is committing a wicked sin with someone else what’s best for them? Is it best to help them commit a sin for which the Bible clearly says God will judge them (and you too). Fornication often leads to cohabitation (living together and fornicating while not married), which – if it came with a warning label – no would in their right mind would ever do.
Cohabitation is horrible for everyone involved
It’s very much “in vogue” these days for couples to live together (fornicating while they do) and not get married. However, that’s a horrible idea. There’s a great data-driven article from life Site News which sums this up, entitled: Cohabitation is bad for men, worse for women, and horrible for children.
Here are some of the highlights (lowlights?)
- One-sixth of cohabiting couples stay together for only three years; one in ten survives five or more years
- Greater risk of divorce for those who cohabitate before marriage: (39 percent vs. 21 percent)
- The rate of STD among cohabiting couples is six times higher than among married women
- Greater risk of substance abuse and psychiatric problems
- Higher poverty rates: Cohabitors who never marry have 78 percent less wealth than the continuously married
- “Cohabitation breeds abuse, violence, and murder: Abuse of children: Rates of serious abuse are lowest in intact families; six times higher in stepfamilies; 14 times higher in always-single-mother families; 20 times higher in cohabiting biological-parent families; and 33 times higher when the mother is cohabiting with a boyfriend who is not the biological father“
And the effect on children bears more looking at.
Most Americans believe cohabitating couples raise children just as well as married couples…
The reality: Children of cohabitating parents face higher risks of negative outcomes. The Pew survey’s question focused on the perceived parenting skills of the couple rather than the actual outcomes for the children. The actual outcomes are notably worse for the kids.
While Americans are optimistic about the ability of cohabiting couples to raise children, a study published by the American College of Pediatricians in 2014 reported that children whose parents cohabit face a higher risk of: “premature birth, school failure, lower education, more poverty during childhood and lower incomes as adults, more incarceration and behavior problems, single parenthood, medical neglect and chronic health problems both medical and psychiatric, more substance, alcohol and tobacco abuse, and child abuse,” and that “a child conceived by a cohabiting woman is at 10 times higher risk of abortion compared to one conceived in marriage.”
And that’s just a sampling – a mere fraction – of the data I have on the topic. From a data-driven/scientific perspective, it’s far worse for everyone – man, woman, and child – than I’ve laid out in the short summary here. (Seriously, I could double the length of this article with all the data I have.)
God is NOT “Anti-Fun” or “Anti-Sex”
His first command to mankind was “have lots of kids”, which boils down to “have lots of sex” (inside marriage). He commanded the Israelites to throw a bunch of huge feasts every year. In fact, “ever good and perfect gift comes from the Father above.”
God wants you to have sex; lots of sex. He just wants you to do it the moral way (inside marriage). Doing it His way produces far better outcomes in the long run. Not only do you avoid sin, but you actually have a better life. That’s what obedience to God always brings.
In fact: Married Christians have the best sex!
One of the most comprehensive and methodically sound sex studies ever done found that consistent church attendees have a significantly higher frequency and intensity of orgasms than the general population of the U.S. Even more exciting, women who attend church more than once a week experience even bigger, (cough), …you know what I mean.
But this is hardly the only study to find this. According to another University of Chicago study, researchers found that church goers not only experience more personal satisfaction but also rate their sex partners as “extremely enjoyable” significantly more often than other demographics.
…
“We also found that married couples reported significantly higher levels of relationship quality than cohabiting couples,” the report says.
God definitely wants you to have sex. He just wants you to do it inside of marriage. The first commandment to mankind was to have lots of kids, which requires lots of sex. In 1 Corinthians 7, God said married couples shouldn’t stop having sex, except for a short time to fast/pray, after which they should “come together again”.
God even included a book (Song of Solomon) in the Bible which never even mentions God. Yes, one of the books of the Bible – the one that goes on at length describing a naked woman – doesn’t even mention “God” or “the Lord”. Song of Solomon is just shy of an erotic novel… and it’s in the Bible.
God isn’t shy about sex.
(Note: the Song of Solomon even mentions oral sex – on both men and women – in euphemistic/pictorial terms. I bet you never heard that in a Sunday morning sermon.)
If you want to have sex, good! God wants you to have sex too, as long as it’s inside marriage.
Conclusion
Fornication (sex outside of marriage) is a wicked, shameful, and senseless sin. Biblically, your options are getting married and having lots of (amazing) sex, or remaining single and having none. It’s God’s will that you abstain from fornication, and He will judge those who practice such things. Fortunately, you can also repent and have that sin cleansed through Jesus work on the cross.
Fortunately, God isn’t a kill-joy.
He’s quite the opposite in fact, and wants us to have sex – preferably lots of sex – inside of marriage. Married Christians have the best sex and better relationships. Conversely, “shacking up” (cohabitation) is horrible for everyone involved, especially the children. Please, don’t make your children suffer for it. Even if you don’t have children, there are still consequences.
Sin always has consequences.
Always.
I noticed that you used John 8:10-11 which is bracketed in most modern translations. The modern scholars-translators doubt that this is scripture. Augustine said that it was probably removed from subsequent manuscripts to keep women from fooling around and then simply repenting afterwards.
There’s tons of evidence for its inclusion, including Eusebius citing Papias (early second century, possibly a disciple of John) as referring to a story about a woman accused before Jesus. It’s also in the majority of Greek and Latin manuscripts.
But further, a plain reading of the text reveals a huge problem without the passage. John 7:45 asks “why did you not bring Him?” and 8:51 makes mention that He’s not present because they need to hear from Him before accusing Him. If the woman caught in adultery passage is removed, then you skip right to John 8:12, where Jesus is present. It makes no logical sense. This problem is completely solved with the inclusion of The Pericope Adulterae (Woman caught in Adultery)
There’s plenty more evidence, but this is a comment, not an article.
Some very serious problems with your theory here.
1). A young woman who has had sex with a man and whose father has then refused the automatic marriage, keeping the fine, is clearly not a virgin but remains unmarried and is still available to marry again. i.e. she has had sex before marriage.
2). The whole test for virginity only relates to instances where the man believed that he was marrying a virgin per the marriage agreement, if the woman admitted that she was not a virgin then the man has no legal ability to claim that he believed that she was. Moreover, this test would not apply to a man marrying a widow who had already had children from the previous marriage, as he obviously knew that she was not a virgin.
3). You seem to have ignored the many instances of lawful concubinage and handmaids in the OT. This is clear evidence of the biblical norm of non-martial sex between a man and a woman who was not his wife. There are too many include but, Jacob’s sons of Dan, Asher, Gad and Naphtali were produced from the union of he with his two handmaidens, and these sons were considered lawful.
4). Both Judah and Samson have sex with prostitutes with no moral comments against this.
5). Most high-ranking Jews practiced polygamy, David, Solomon etc. (Probably having Harems as well) Herod had multiple wives as well.
6). You also seem to have ignored the obvious non-marital and celebrated sexual event in the song of Solomon, which clearly destroys the myth on the non-martial sex ban.
For the NT.
1). Your notion that a eunuch was simply a celibate is against all scholarship that accepts that the eunuchs in Matthew 19:10 were castrated men.
2). Your lengthy attempt to equate the Greek ‘porneia’ (all variants thereon) is simply not supported by the Greek language and the contextual use of the word in both the Hebrew OT, Greek culture and NT usages. It has always been a difficult word to translate due its vagueness but the serious scholarship looks to its use in the ancient world and not to the 16th century attempt to link it to ‘’Fornication’’. A ‘porne’ in Greek was always as slave (the lowest of the low) subjected to sexual slavery. It was actually used commonly as an insult. Porneia is thus more accurately translated as; ‘to sell one’s self physically’ and from numerous uses in the OT was used mainly to describe idolatry in that a person had ‘sold themselves’ into the thralls of foreign Gods.
3). (2 part 2)… Paul’s use of it, if we assume that he has not changed the Greek language and keeps to the Septuagint theological use of the term refers to Idolatry. Specifically, participation in the rituals, public festivals and initiation rites of the various Pagan temples which usually involved grotesque sexual orgies, physical defilement and other impurities. Romans 1 is a good example of how Paul saw that idolatry leads to unnatural sexual practices of homosexuality and then complete amorality.
4). We must note that sex before marriage is never mentioned as a wrong in the Leviticus 18 ‘’vice list’’, yet paul’s outrage at homosexuality and a man sleeping with his father’s wife in 1 Cor 5:1 are breaches of the code of Leviticus. Porneia is then seen as idolatry, involving sexual rituals which leads to breaches of the Levitic law. Nothing to do with non-marital sex.
5). Paul’s advice about marriage is mixed in that he leaves it up to the individual. But, in 1 Cor 7:37 he allows men to keep their ‘’Parthenoi’’ (maids) if they choose not to marry them, perhaps stating that the can keep their women and remain unmarried.
6). Lastly, to a Jew of the 1st century, all Gentiles were having sex outside of marriage as it was spiritually impossible for a gentile ‘marriage’ to be valid as the covenant was being made towards idols and not the real God. Nowhere does Paul command the new gentle members of the church to validate their old marriages.
Sorry to go on, most of this is from memory, but I looked into the ‘no sex before marriage’ myth and a while ago and I think the above is pretty strong. For Paul to radically change the Greek language, the OT use of the word as well as add to the Torah a completely alien new rule of pre-marital virginity seems completely out of reality. God bless.
I won’t comment on everything you said as I debunked most of it in the article, but I will touch on a few that I didn’t cover in the article.
Concubines. My research says “concubine” isn’t quite right as a translation because “concubine” means a woman a man sleeps with without being married to her”. However, Biblical concubines were “slave-wives” and actually married to the man. They were different than free/normal wives and had fewer freedoms because they were slaves, but they were still wives.
Polygyny. Again, they were actual wives. There was more than one, but they were actual wives.
Song of Songs. They were married. 3:11 even specifically mentions the “wedding day”. There are also several verses which say not to “awaken love before it is time”.
1 Corinthians 7:36-38. Please read it in the NASB or NKJV. Nearly every other translation perverts these verses to make them about an engaged couple. They aren’t. It’s about a father allowing or not allow his virgin daughter to marry.
Okay, thanks, but Porneia has never meant pre-marital sex. Its use in the Greek world was always a slur over (usually a freeman) who had metaphorically enslaved himself into brothel work. It was a double ‘whammy’ as it meant you were a slave, and the lowest kind of slave. The Jews adapted this to relate to their disgust over vile idolatry and its physical repercussions in breach of the clear sexual sins in Leviticus.
The OT rules are pretty clear that they guard against women either being taken my other men without the father’s permission or deceiving their husbands about their previous sexual experience. It was critical that Hebrew men could identify their legal heirs or risk accusations of ”mamzer” and have their kids ostracised.
Concubinage is a complex issue, from memory, some have defined them as ”secondary” wives, under a ”contract” but not under a covenant, meaning that their was no marriage in the ritual sense. That they lack the full process is enough for many that they are not wives. I should have clarified that polygamy was generally the preserve of the elite, i.e the chieftains and the kings, and yes, relations with 1000+ wives is still still sex within marriage. The handmaidens and harem-women though were also clearly not wives, nor were the other sex slaves captured.
The song of solomon, has always been read as a sexual romance before or not including a marriage. I shan’t go into the imagery. Theological interpretations of the text are of course valid but the first layer has always been seen as a non-marital romance.
1 Cor 7:36-38 could be more clear I agree. The Greek doesn’t help but the use of the a ‘maid/young woman’ instead of ‘daughter’ or ‘child’ in the wider context of discussing what married and unmarried men should do, leans heavily toward a man with an unmarried woman as a partner, completely normal in 1st century Greece. Translations do vary, the worse of which that I’ve seen is the NWT which equates a ‘young woman’ to mean a man’s own virginity (???)
…
I think we’ve probably ran out of things to say now. I hope you can see that my view is at least reasonable given the standard reading of Torah and Greek and supported by many scholars if one cares to look. Paul’s Greek is very interesting in that he (and his team) held to the plain meaning of the language in relation to common texts of the day. From memory he only created one word ‘arsenokoits’ (generally read as a dominant homosexual man) as the Greek couldn’t match his meaning. That in mind he never used or made any term close to a ban on sex before marriage. Greek had much plainer terms for sex than ‘porneia’. The gospel of John even, written for the gentiles specifically, never adds this ‘command’ to abstain from pre-marital sex for gentiles to now obey. As I said previously, Gentiles had no proper marriages in Jewish eyes.
I’ve enjoyed your writings if not agreed with 100% of them.
God bless.
Every lexicon I’ve looked at mentions “fornication” as a definition for porneia. Having read a large of chunk of the New Testament in Greek, that’s consistent with its usage. Do you have some reputable sources for an alternate definition?
You can find where fornication was against the law ( written by man) but no where is it written in the bible that it is a sin. People need to stop teaching this lie. The word is only in the book one time. Paul discusses sex to the Corinthians but that’s because they worshipped Aphrodite. Adultery is listed as a sin but fornication is not.
You said:
Actually, 25 times… and that’s just the noun form in the New Testament. It has other forms which are also used, increasing the count even more. Every time it’s a negative thing. You know, like Hebrews 13:4b which says “for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
The church has lied about fornication, and everything else. Adultery is in the physical realm. Fornicating is in the unseen realm. Fornicating people are married to the mind of Satan saying fear me. John 8:41“Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.”
(KJV). John 8:33“They answered him, We be Abraham’s seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?” Abraham would not have wanted Jesus to be dead. Christs enemies were not of Abrahams seed, when they were the seed of Abraham. They were born of fornication. They were married to Satan, sinning against their God made image. Christs enemies needed to be born again. They were not abstaining from fornication. Christs enemies would be of Abrahams seed had they heard the Father Spirit through Jesus, who is the Lord of Glory. Legal system is like Christs enemies. Islam is like that. Devil possessed people will not be in God’s kingdom. People like that will vex people with filthy, good for nothing, froward, deceiving, conversation. 2 Peter 2:7 – 8, KJV. Vex is not sex. God’s loving mind needs to be in our mind, loving God who made us, and others, forever. Swearing is saying an oath that God does not want us to say. God is light to the saved. God will be fire to the lost. The lost will die body, and soul. God’s light purifies the earth to the lowest hell or lowest depths. It is a purifying processes. Hell is not a kingdom. The soul that sins it shall die. The church ended up saying what Satan said, with eternal torment. The lie about eternal torment, made people to torment others.
I might be the first person here to comment to say what I wonderful article this is. We naturally want to justify sin, especially when we’ve recently committed it. I never understood the difference between fornication, sexual immorality and adultery, and I’m glad (as a male with some of these problems) to have it explained so well without comprimising the word. Much Thanks!
Thank you for this article. I have one question that is important to me. You explain the Bible’s definition of fornication as “sexual intercourse” outside of marriage. Do you have any guidance toward understanding what God might think about other sexual acts of gratification (that come short of intercourse) within a loving dating relationship, prior to marriage? Is there some freedom there, or is it also always sinful?
Thank you!
1 Corinthians 7:1 touches on this, and the Greek word translated “touch” there has this footnote in my favorite translation:
That’s a pretty solid “No, don’t do that.”
My father’s rule was this: “If you wouldn’t normally do it with your sister or a female friend, don’t do it with a girlfriend or fiancé.” There’s some basis for this in 1 Timothy 5:2, which mentions treating “younger women as sisters in all purity.” (in the context of reproof)
Additionally, a man has ZERO right to a woman’s body without marriage, and a woman has ZERO right to share her body without marriage. (See my article series on marriage for more information, especially the 5th article.)
“1.Marry and have sex
2.Remain unmarried and be celibate
Biblically, those are your only moral/ethical options. And this is the will of God Himself”.
And if marriage isn’t an option but celibacy is unbearable? What then?
Better to marry than to burn, Paul says. If marriage isn’t on the table then burn forever. Isn’t that called hell? It’s just too difficult to get married under today’s conditions. Humans weren’t designed to live functionally asexual lives until they’re 30 (or even older). There has to be some other option.